"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… That’s what gets you."

"I visit a different city and I think 'Where is this street where the fun, the swordfighting, the brawling, the seduction and the drinking takes place?' And I have a look at it, then I get a bit miserable and I end up in a proper pub."

“Just before lockdown I thought I’d give this a shot and it was actually my daughter’s boyfriend who introduced me to golf and I thought, ‘This is rather good fun’."

"I would like to say sorry, once again, to [Top Gear producer] Oisin Tymon for the incident and its regrettable aftermath."

"I’ve got a metal plate in my knee, that’s my Swiss Army knee now as I have some pins in there too holding it all together."

“These days, as we all know, Volvos are cool.”

“I’ve always said to my children that if they buy a bike I will burn it, and if they replace it with another one, I shall burn that too."

“I came on the bicycle because obviously I’m very woke."

"This one I was conscious all the way through and I was thinking well I can’t make this. It was like being in a tumble dryer full of bricks."

"Oh c**k"

“The bees aren’t so bad but it’s just they hate me. Even though I wear my full bee suit they worked out how to get into it.”

"I want hot steak and chips and I want it NOW!" [Or something to that effect but with more expletives, allegedly]

"I’ve woken up to discover that Oz Clarke has been awarded an OBE. So, let’s have no more of this nonsense about drink ruining lives. It produces greatness.”

“Everyone I know under 25 isn’t the slightest bit interested in cars – Greta Thunberg has killed the car show."

"I don't think I was very easy to work with for a good while. The team were very patient. I was difficult on shoots, losing my temper, feeling threatened by everything, very defensive."